Research for what to say/do to help kids cope with moving/homesickness

 “What do you think will help you most if you are missing home?”

http://sunshine-parenting.com/2015/10/16/10-friendship-skills-every-kid-needs/

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/unhappy-campers-helping-kids-deal-with-homesickness-0129155

Ways to say goodbye to a family home

Saying goodbye to a house can be tough for various reasons, and one of them is the realization that the special moments you had in it can never be re-lived anymore. You’re not only leaving an inanimate structure where you have found shelter from the dangers of the world outside or rest after a long and exhausting day at work. In reality, you’re also moving away from all the great fun, invigorating laughter and quality time spent with the beloved members of your family. And in doing so, the fear of forgetting these precious moments grows stronger and stronger inside you.Human memory can be hugely selective and painfully fallible, so take out your dedicated camera or smartphone and start taking tons of pictures of your home as if your life depended on it. Digital cameras have practically eliminated the fear of running out of film, so take advantage of that technological leap and go on a photographic tour around your house before you start packing for your relocation and take one last memorable look at its interior and exterior through the viewfinder. Snap random spontaneous photos of your home exactly as it looks on a normal day and don’t worry about beautifying it for the occasion. After all, you want to document and later remember your residence au naturel.After moving to your new home, transfer and keep all the photographs in a special folder on your computer, or print out the best ones and arrange them inside a photo album entitled Home Sweet Home. This realistic visual record of your old house can get you through the painful post relocation period when you might be dealing with a wide range of strong emotions, including the occasional pangs of homesickness. telling an interesting story that happened there and reminiscing about a happy and fun memory related to that particular room. With the help of your loyal still or video camera, create a living scrapbook of memories to keep the past alive. After each family member has taken their proper goodbyes, leave the room together as a unit and close the door behind you as a symbolic gesture of moving on.If you’re moving with children who are old enough to understand what is really happening, encourage them to draw or put down in writing their favorite recollections connected to the family house.One somewhat unusual and yet proven way to say goodbye to a house is to take a meaningful piece of it with you to your new home. This isn’t about the typical items found in a household and the inhabitants’ personal possessions, both of which will be transported to their final destination anyway. This is about “stealing” a precious souvenir from your old home, something that is out of the spiritual realm and has actual physical properties such as mass, dimensions, density, color, hardness, volume and so on. And most importantly, the object that you will borrow permanently should be charged with a concentrated value of meaningfulness for you.Remove the door handle or doorknob of your favorite room in the house, take down the door frame where your child’s height marks are still visible, uproot special transplantable plants, shrubs or young trees to re-plant in the garden of your new home, press the leaves of your most loved trees in the photo album Home Sweet Home or between the pages of a book, place a handful of soil from your lovely garden in a glass jar. You can even go a step further and record the magnificent birdsong in your backyard or the sound of rain on your front porch. Whenever necessary, replace the mementos you take from your home with new meaningless substitutes so that no property damage results from your actions.
Another effective way of saying goodbye to a home is to leave a secret message or hide an artifact in a clever way as a distinctive and exhilarating method of proving your own existence in the residence. The possibilities of leaving your mark on the property are endless: bury a small treasure chest or time capsule in your backyard (a children’s toy, a letter, a poem, a list of essential moving tips, a few invaluable moving checklists, pieces of clothing, photos of your family and the house, an interesting souvenir, etc.), write a coded message on a wall somewhere and place a layer of paint over it to mask it, leave your handprints or footprints in a patch of cement somewhere around the property, carve your initials on a tree nearby or think of another exciting and secretive way to shout out “We were here!” without causing any damage to the building itself or the adjacent land.

moving with kids
 And yet, if you do have a control over the exact moment of relocation, make sure you weigh in the school factor of your kid. Some moving experts swear that the summer period is the best time to move house because that way the school year of your child won’t be disrupted. Other specialists say that a midyear move is the better option since the school-age child can meet other students immediately and that will help them acclimatize much more quickly to the unknown environment.

• When the school year begins, encourage your child to participate in useful extracurricular activities, such as sports, arts, music and so one, which will give them the chance to direct their energy towards constructive things, find new friends faster and keep their minds away from sad thoughts about what was left behind. Be mindful that such activities will often require active involvement on the parents’ part as well, most frequently in terms of time and money.
• Talk your child into keeping in touch with their good old friends. E-mailing is a fast and secure way to exchange quick updates but nothing beats sending an old-fashioned, hand-written letter together with a pretty postcard from the new city or town. Video conversations are even better to say hi if you notice your school-age child is missing their friends dearly.
• When moving with a preschooler or school-age kid, the transitional period may take much longer that you expected. Some school-age children adapt much faster to their new surroundings, while others need much more time or even professional help to rediscover their inner rhythm. In general, it is expected that children should feel comfortable in a new school in about 6-7 weeks. It’s of utmost importance that you sit down and talk with your child on a regular basis and encourage them to be open about any concern they may have without fear of reproach or punishment.

Helping kids to adjust to moving house

• Help her understand what is happening and when. I’m going to mark dates associated with the move on her wall calendar so that she can mark each day off until the move. Hopefully this will ensure there aren’t any unexpected surprises.

• Highlight the positives. I’ve been highlighting the positives associated with the move and have been talking about the adventures we will have in our new neighbourhood.

• Familiarise her with the new property and neighbourhood. We’ll thankfully have plenty of time to visit our new property and the neighbourhood before the move. We’ll also try to meet some of the local kids as soon as possible.

Helping your child cope with moving

• Take your child with you to look at potential neighborhoods, houses or apartments, and schools.
• If your child can’t join you, take a camera or video recorder with you when you go to visit the area you are moving to. Take pictures of possible homes, the school, a local park, mall, “the cool spot,” or of anything that may interest your child.
• Share the packets of information you get from real estate agents or the Chamber of Commerce.
• Check out your new town online.
• Use a map to help your child understand the new area and the route you will take to get there.
• If possible, let your child visit the new home before moving day and point out where everyone will sleep, eat, and play.
• Have your children draw a picture of how they will arrange their new room.
• On moving day, let your child pack and label a box of his favorite things that he can open immediately upon arriving in your new home.
• If possible, set up your child's bedroom first so she will be surrounded by familiar things.
• Give your child a camera and have him document your move. Once you arrive and are settled in, make time together to create the "moving" chapter of your family photo album.

Sometimes we think that if we don’t make a big deal about moving neither will our children. But for children, a move involves leaving friends, schools, and favorite local hangouts behind. Helping your children say goodbye to friends and setting up ways to stay connected can help them begin to accept and deal with the changes in their lives.

• Host a goodbye party for friends and classmates. Emphasize how easy it is to keep in touch through mail, email, and the telephone.
• Give each of your children his or her own address book and make the party an opportunity for friends to record their personal contact information.
• Take photographs of “favorite places and people” and have each friend create a goodbye page to make a “Goodbye Memory Book.”
• Encourage your child to keep in touch with their old friends.
• Plan a trip back to the old hometown to visit friends.

When we’re busy moving, overwhelmed with boxes and the details of setting up a new home, it’s hard to find time with our children. Maintaining a familiar routine and helping them transition from the first day will make settling in easier.

• If possible, time the move to happen before the start of a new school year or term so children have an opportunity to meet new friends before school begins. 
• Contact teaches, coaches, and club advisors at the new school and ask them to assist your child with the transition.
• Ask the school if they have a buddy or new friend system to help guide your child through school for the first few weeks, introduce him or her to other students, and accompany him or her to activities.
• Ask the school to do a careful assessment of your child’s previous schoolwork to make sure your child is prepared academically for the new school.
• Have a picnic in the new home after you arrive. 
• Remember to give your child hugs and say, "I love you." Your child may feel everything has changed but it can give your child a good feeling to know your love has not changed.
• Help your child find children to play with in the new neighborhood. New friends can make a place feel fun and they will probably go to school with children who live nearby. 
• Get back to the status quo. When you are settled in your new home, resume familiar routines as soon as possible. Try to keep things such as mealtime, bedtime, and family time the same as much as possible.

Moving with children

 Tell them about moving house as soon as possible: Give your children time to think about the move and prepare themselves for it, but be ready for the questions they’ll inevitably have. Encourage them to talk about the move and try to be as positive as possible about how the changes will likely affect them in your answers. If you don’t know the answers yet then tell them it’s a great question and you’re going to find out, then make sure you go back to them. Tell them where you’re moving to, when you’re moving and why – and always remember to make everything a positive!
• Tell them about the benefits of the move, the new opportunities and exciting aspects: Are they going to a new school? Does it have new activities they can get involved in? Are there local sports teams, etc they might be interested in? Helping them to focus on the positive changes you are making and giving them new things to look forward to will ensure they start to mentally adjust and are excited about what’s to come.
• Get visual: Show them some pictures of the place you are moving to, the new house if you have them or maybe some maps, etc so they can picture how things are going to be. If you’re moving internationally or long distance then look at the route you’ll take or where it is in relation to your current home to help them get some perspective. Let them research the new area and get them to plan some fun activities for when you get there, like picking a nice restaurant to have a meal in during your first week or finding a park where you can all take a picnic or have a day out as a family.
• Be positive about the move: Even if the circumstances for the move aren’t entirely positive, try to keep stressful discussions about the move away from little ears; if they are nervous already then this might make them feel more scared. Try to focus only on the good things about the move and the new opportunities and exciting things the move will bring to them and your family.
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• Get the kids involved in planning the relocation: If you are buying new furniture or choosing paint or soft furnishings, ask their opinion. Let them get involved in choosing things for their new bedrooms or playroom – especially if they’ve been sharing a bedroom and are going to get rooms of their own for the first time. Also, let them do some research into activities or clubs they might like to join in their new area, places to visit, what their school is like, for example. Preparation is the key to adjusting, so the earlier you allow them to get their heads around what’s going on, the better!
• Plan to keep in touch: Very young children will be far less bothered about leaving friends behind and making new ones, but for older children and teenagers this can be one of the hardest aspects of a move. Get older kids to make an address book with all the contact details of the friends they want to stay in touch with. If they’re of an age where they are allowed access to Facebook then get them to connect with their friends on there if they haven’t already, or if they’re too young for that then you could connect with their friends’ parents through Facebook/email so that you can arrange ways for the kids to stay in contact or meet up regularly.
• Get in touch in advance: If you’re moving house overseas then staying in touch will be a little harder. Make enquiries with your child’s new school and see if it’s possible for them to make a few pen pals. Maybe your child can write to his/her class or a few classmates in advance so that they know they have some new friends waiting when they get there – not only will it make that awkward first day at the new school far less scary but it will hopefully increase their excitement about meeting the people they’ve been writing to and help them settle in far quicker. If the school doesn’t run a pen pal scheme then perhaps you can encourage the children to write to people you might know there already (i.e. if you’re moving house with your company and already have some local contacts). It can be upsetting as parents to see your children struggling with homesickness or longing for their old lives, so anything like this that helps them adjust to their new surroundings quickly and confidently will benefit your family as a whole.
• Saying goodbye : When it comes to the last few days before the move, why not let the kids have a few friends and family members over for a going away party? Leave a little guest book out for people to write encouraging messages along with their contact details so you have everything in one place and the children can read positive messages from their friends and family before the move.
• Pack an essentials box as well as an arrival bag for everyone for your first night in the new home. Have the kids help choose what they want to be in it so they can settle in as quickly as possible.
• Have a welcome party with the neighbours and have them bring their kids. Organise some games to help the kids get to know each other and break the ice while you chat to the parents and get to know them a little better…this is a great way for everyone in the family to meet the neighbours and make new friends as quickly as possible!
• Get unpacked and settled into your new routine as soon as you arrive. The quicker you unpack, the quicker your new house starts to become a home which will help everyone settle. And the more settled you are, the more settled your children will become as they will naturally look to you for encouragement about how to feel at this time.
• Help your kids make new friends by getting involved in the local community and school events - but don’t forget they’ll be missing their old friends right about now too, so help and encourage them to write an email or letter to keep in touch. Remember to download Skype to laptops and phones before you leave as it’s great for video calling and is free to use via the internet.
• Let your kids set up or help plan their new room where feasible to help them feel more comfortable. Ask them where they’d like their bed or what colour curtains they might want. Little things like letting them help pick out new bedding, carpets and soft furnishings when they get there are all ways of helping them take control of the situation in their own way.
Moving house can be a difficult time for everybody, but not least your children. By taking their needs into account and involving them as much as possible in the planning and move itself you can alleviate some of their anxieties, which in turn will help alleviate some of your stress – it’s win-win!

Making moving easier for kids

The importance of saying goodbyeThrow a partyCreate a goodbye bookTake a keepsake from the homeExplain the detailsReassure repeatedly 

• Goodbyes create closure. Closure isn’t just required for children either, it’s important for all the family, including you, to say goodbye to your old home, friends and family. Goodbyes help you to move forward.
• Depending on your circumstances and the age of your child, you could throw a small farewell party for them. Don’t make it too much of a big deal as this will emphasise the enormity of the impending move, but a nice get-together of friends and family can help.
• Have your child lead you around your house and favourite areas while you take photographs. Print these photos out and make a scrap book of special places and items. Children often have an unexpected way of seeing things that we often miss, so it’s important to get your child’s input into this book.
• Encourage your child to tell you why each scene is special to them and write it into the book. Then, when you’re in the new house you can find similarities to point out.
• I’ve mentioned before about the importance of bed linen and, of course, favourite toys when it comes to settling a child into a new home. You could also put something small from the home into the scrapbook, for example, a piece of bedroom curtain or a scrap of wallpaper. Press a flower from the garden or take a small pebble. Again, be led by your child as they have an eye for the small details we adults don’t notice.
• As mentioned in the previous paragraph, children have a peculiar outlook on life! For example, my daughter couldn’t grasp, or accept, the idea of someone else using ‘her’ bedroom. It is a tricky concept to explain to a youngster, but do answer unambiguously. If you will never go back to that house or that country again, tell them. Be honest and make it clear the move is permanent. Clarify that nothing will change within the family, just the house and country.
• Your child will need lots of reassurance from you that all is well. Expect to have ups and downs, and part of this will be to explain all sorts of issues again and again. This is all totally normal as young children thrive on routine and stability. If you can keep up normal routines in your new home, you’re halfway through the battle. Introduce new routines gradually and enjoy your new life.
• You know your child’s disposition best, so decide what will work for them, and you.